The Grandest Adventure in San Antonio

When I first heard about the Enlightened Bastards Experience in San Antonio, I decided I wanted to go.  I started making plans right away.  I got my days off work and asked my parents to babysit that weekend.  A friend of mine was also interested in going, and we discussed potential plans to travel together.  Nothing was certain, and I didn't know how I would come up with the money to do this.  I also knew that I would not be able to officially register, because I have no credit card.  I would be paying cash for everything.

Very early on, I established some intentions for my trip to San Antonio.  I intended that I would have the Grandest Adventure, hearkening back to my pre-motherhood days, when I just up and left whenever the spirit moved me, and ended up wherever the car took me.  I had been intending to have another of these roadtrip adventures for awhile, and I figured this was my chance.

I received a lot of criticism from my family for wanting to traipse off to San Antonio, possibly by myself, and spend all of this money just to "hang out with a couple of guys."  My husband tried to fight with me several times about it, but I have not fought with him in over three months (primarily because I no longer care what he thinks), and I was not about to start back up again.  My mom sighed and called me her "crazy daughter".   

About two weeks prior to the event, I realized that my friend was probably not going to be able to come.  His beloved dog had been diagnosed with cancer, and was scheduled to be put to sleep the week after the Experience.  My friend understandably wanted to stay home and take care of his dog during the transitioning period.  This complicated things a bit.  We were going to sort of refer each other, so that instead of me paying $1000 and him paying $500 to participate in the Experience, we would each pay $750.  Plus we were going to split everything else down the middle, too.  Rental car, hotel room, gas, etc.  My Grand Adventure had just gotten a lot more expensive.

"Take money out of the equation," say the Bastards.  So I did.  I had already reserved my rental car, gotten my days off work, and arranged a babysitter for the weekend.  What was left to do but go to San Antonio? 

I went.  My drive to Texas from North Carolina was long, peaceful, and quiet.  I quite enjoyed it.  Driving long distances by myself is one of my most favorite things to do.  It is likely that many of you have never chosen this method of travel for yourselves.  I must say I highly recommend it. You spend the first two or three hours thinking, thinking, thinking.  Once all of your issues and questions and contemplations have been spewed out, you can enjoy the rest of the journey in a meditative state, having major revelations along the way.  I average about one major revelation every two hours on solo roadtrips.  One of my revelations during this one was that no matter what anyone says, I am free to do this whenever I want.  My mom says "But you're a mother now, and you have a lot more responsibilities."  My husband said, "I can't believe how selfish you are, spending all this money on yourself, and being gone on THANKSGIVING!"  (By the way, I was driving on Thanksgiving, and it was the most grateful Thanksgiving I've ever had.)  The truth is, most roadtrips don't cost $2000.  I could take my daughter with me if I wanted.  I could leave her at home.  I could repeat my famous roadtrip of 1999 and leave without a dollar in my pocket, drive across the country, meet a forest ranger named Dave who lets me sleep in his bed while he sleeps on the floor, eat nothing but tortillas and beans and salsa for three weeks, enjoying every bite of it.
If I wanted to.  I came to grips with the fact that even though I am a mom now, even though I have a job and bills and an ornery husband, I am still free to do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want to do it. 

By the time I reached San Antonio, after having paid for my car and gas and food without the advantage of a traveling partner to split costs with, I was short of the $1000 required for the Experience.

"Fuck it,"  I said.  I came to San Antonio to have the Grandest Adventure, which I can do with or without the Enlightened Bastards.  I arrived on Friday afternoon.  I walked by the river for awhile.  It was beautiful.  I will post my pictures later.  Friday night, there was a holiday parade on the river.  I decided not to watch it because my desire to see it did not outweigh my desire to spend the $60 on something that would be more pleasing to me.  But I did manage to see the last bit of it, for free, from an excellent balcony where I would have had to shell out $100 to see the whole parade if I had happened upon it any earlier.  I stopped by the Westin lobby a couple of times to see if I caught a glimpse of any crazy Enlightened Bastards.  I didn't.  I drank some beers, met some new friends, offered a guy a ganja brownie to use the computer, and he smoked me out for the rest of the night.  I sent messages to Jack and Andrew letting them know I was in S.A., and then I slept in my car Friday night.

Saturday morning, I decided to see the entire Riverwalk.  I bought batteries for my camera, and walked up and down the river, stopping to take pictures, peeking in souveniere shops, and thoroughly enjoying myself.  I sent another message to the Bastards, asking them to call me.  I was open to the possibility of meeting up with them later on and paying to take part in the latter half of the Experience.  I do not know if Jack and Andrew were open to that possibility or not.  Nevertheless, I received a call from Jack while I was in the Rivercenter mall, looking around for a hula hoop, since I left mine at home and felt rather naked without it.  

Jack had this to say:  "Okay, so here's the deal.  If you want to meet up with us, you have to follow your guidance to get there."  

"Okay", I said.

"And," he added, "Your guidance may lead you to us through someone else."

I continued to walk around by the river, contemplating what Jack had told me.  Truthfully, this was the perfect excercise for me.  In my quest to step into my true power, some things have come very easily for me, and some have required more practice.  I am an expert at knowing that "All is Well".  I'm really good at maintaining a good vibration when others around me are trying to bring me down, emotionally.  These parts have been pretty easy for me.  As for Guidance, well, I'm not really sure I recognize it's voice.  I think it has to do with feeling good.  When an option feels good, that is your indication that that would be a good option to choose.  But you have to already feel good in order for this to work.  I think this is how it works, but please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.  The hard part for me is discerning which to choose of two or more options that feel the same to me, vibrationally.  I was feeling good, just walking around taking pictures.  I passed by a store and it felt joyful to go in and buy a drink.  I saw a bench and it felt joyful to sit down and have a cigarette.  Then I waited for some guidance as to what to do next.  I waited and waited, and got nothing.  What, am I just supposed to sit here?  Maybe I was, so I did.  Eventually I got super cold and thought it would be nice to go inside somewhere warm.  Went to the Westin.  Never felt like going back out in the cold.  Sat in the lobby for about two hours.  Then I called Jack.

"I think I'm doing something wrong," I said.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I felt like I wanted to sit in one place for a long time, and so I did."

"Then it sounds like you're doing everything right."

(Andrew in the background)  "Well we didn't walk by, so she must have done something wrong."

"Very true," said Jack.

To be continued........................